


Family Matters

by Rising_Phoenix



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anger, Apocalypse, Baby, Baby monitor, Barbwire, Blood, Bookshelf, Chuckling, Coffee Table - Freeform, Cursive, Death, Devil, Disney Characters - Freeform, Disneyland, Eating, Ego, Eventual Smut, Evil, F/M, Fear, Fearless, Fishie faces, Flashback, Fluff, Giggling, Good, Harley - Freeform, Kmart, Lineup, Loss, Memories, Monsters, Morning Sickness, Motherhood, Nickname, Night, Playing, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Test, Pride, Promises, Resemblance, Sandwich, Sleepless, Spaghetti, Stealing, Tattoo, Theft, Toughness, Uncanny, Victim - Freeform, Vomiting, Window, angel - Freeform, bat, beans, blame, characters, cursing, funny faces, glass, gun - Freeform, kitchen, knife, lemonade, motorcycle, parenting, reckless, rooftop, sgetti, shards, sugartits, teddy - Freeform, test
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-01-29 18:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rising_Phoenix/pseuds/Rising_Phoenix
Summary: After the death of your husband, Merle, you were ready to end it all, falling into a deep, depressive, state refusing to live another day full of inescapable danger and loss. But, as we all know, life has a funny way of changing your plans, bringing forth reasons to remind you that life is, indeed, worth living, even if not for yourself but for others, them needing you as much as you need them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Italics = Flashbacks

**March 26, 2013**

_Tears stream down rose colored cheeks like water from a faucet, wet y/e/c orbs staring intently without a blink at two lines on a stick that rested between two shaking hands._

_Pregnant. I continuously repeated the word to myself numerous times as I lower one hand and rub circles on my flat stomach, the seed he planted in me soon to grow into a beautiful flower in nine months._

_“Y/n, are ya co-” Daryl pauses mid thought as he stood under the doorframe in his black clothes and leather vest, witnessing the stick in my hands “Is that what I think it is?”_

_I nod, more tears flowing down my face “Yeah”_

_“Did ya just find out?”_

_“Yes” Gradually, I swing my head in his direction and glance at my brother in law through blurry vision, his facial features, soft and sincere under the yellow fluroscent lighting "Merle was going to be a dad” I toss the test forward with anger, the small stick hitting against the wall and landing on the concrete of the prison cell “But it means fuck-all now, doesn’t it?”_

_Keyword being was, my husband Merle having become one of them, a walker, just two days ago after deciding to play hero and risk his own life for that of mine, his younger brother, and the rest of the group by taking down the Governor, a man who did nothing but terrorize us making us feel like we were living a never ending nightmare._

_“You have nothing to say?”_

_Daryl mutters no words as he ambles inside, taking a seat beside me on the cot. He wraps his arms protectively around my being and pulls me close, my head resting on his chest as I cry uncontrollably against him, his soothing gruff voice shushing me into calmness, instructing me that everything was going to be alright and, for a while I believed him, even though, deep down, I knew it was all a lie._

**April 3, 2016**

The night was dark and cold, brisk air harshly hitting against the skin of my arms soon covered by manly hands forcing me down onto my knees, scratched and bruised.

A lean, mustached, man stands tall before us, smirking cockily as he makes his way over to the RV, our RV, and knocks three times on the door, out stepping a gentleman, also tall and lean, sporting a black leather jacket, gray jeans, and a silk red scarf dangling around his neck, his hand, gloved, proudly holding onto a barb wired baseball bat he had slung on his shoulder.

Casually, he inches forward with his dark boots kicking up fine dust, sucking in his teeth, stern, dark, brown eyes skimming each face that stared fearfully back up at him

“Which one of you pricks is the leader?” He speaks with a gravelly, authoritative voice, pausing in front of our group leader Rick, who slowly raised his sweat covered noggin, making eye contact with the devil himself who only glared back with a victorious shit eating grin plastered on his face

“It’s this one” The mustached man answers, his index finger pointing down at our leader “He’s the guy”

“Hi” The man in the black leather jacket sighs “You’re Rick right? I’m Negan” he introduces himself as the man we thought we had killed a while back “And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people. Not cool. Not cool” Negan shakes his head in stern disapproval “You have no idea how not cool that shit is”

“We’re sorry, ok?” I mumble with a tense, low voice.

Negan whisks his head in my direction at the end of the line and chuckles condescendingly as he treads in front of me, kneeling down to my level, my eyes immediately taking in his features at such close proximity of brown irises and pink lips accentuated by a salt and peppered beard, his dark, gelled strands of hair waving lightly with the strength of the wind, aging lines that painted the skin of his face showing he resembles the timeline of fine wine.

“You’re what?” he questions, cupping his ear, pretending to not hear me

“Sorry” I repeat through gritted teeth

“Are you really now?” Negan scoffs, down casting his orbs to my chest that was slightly visible through the ‘V’ shape of my shirt, his sharp tongue suggestively licking along his bottom lip “Sugartits”

“Don’t call me that”

“Then cover your tattoo” his head nodding towards the mentioned nickname engraved proudly in cursive lettering above my heart on my left breast, a nickname given to me by my deceased husband “Why Sugartits, anyway?”

A single tear slides down my cheek, head flooded with memories of all the times Merle had called me that, too many to count “That’s none of your business”

“Well, sweetheart, I’m making it my business” Negan lowers his bat from his shoulder, holding it in front of him with both hands “And Lucille here is making it her business” he reaches forward and grabs a hold of my small chin with two gloved fingers, forcing me to look at him, his facial features dark and intimidating

“It’s just a nickname”

“Just a nickname” he repeats with a click of the tongue, standing back on his heels, swinging Lucille back in place on his shoulder “Okay”

Negan sashays back in front of Rick, going off on some tangent I did not care enough to pay attention to, something about the New World Order, threatening to take half of our shit.

In short, we, and everything we owned, belonged to Negan now.

“All this” he continues with his never ending monologue “All this just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor” the man in black threatens with a smirk, the fat end of Lucille pointing at each one of us individually   

“It’s easy to be powerful when you have someone on their knees, don’t you think?” I blurt confidently, Rosita wrapping her digits around my wrist as a sign to keep my mouth shut but I couldn’t help it, my whole life growing up with the fearlessness of my mother and the mouth of my father

“Wow!” Negan leans back belching out a short lived sarcastic chortle “You got some mouth on you, Sugartits” he wags his finger in my direction “I love that”

“I told you, don’t call me that”

“Don’t call me that” Negan mocks childishly “Or what, baby, you going to hit me?” pearly whites biting on the skin of his lower lip “Take your best shot, darling, daddy likes it rough”

“Fuck you”

“Whoa, patience sweetheart, there will be plenty of time for that later on down the road” he winks, averting his attention back on Rick and the rest of my crew “Now where was I?” Negan questions “Oh yeah, this is the part where I beat the holy fuck, fucking, fuckety, fuck out of one of you, and I know just the perfect way to do it!” his arm outstretched, Lucille pointing inches away from Rick’s face “Eeny”

I swallow hard but still refuse to show an ounce of fear as Negan continues on with the infamous nursery rhyme, the bat pointing at a different face with each word

“It” the final saying of the nursery rhyme escaping Negan’s smiling lips “Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy’s other eye out and feed to his father and then we’ll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you’re all gonna be doing that” He beams down at his victim, laughing manically as he raises Lucille above his head and smashes her down on the noggin of the unfortunate, unlucky soul “Ho, ho, look at that! Taking it like a champ!” Lucille goes high yet again, coming down rapidly with another heavy swing, our friend standing tall and proud on their knees, refusing to die so easily just yet.

“Suck. My. Nuts”

Negan giggles sneeringly at the insult, heatedly raising Lucille high once more, ramming her down on the victim’s head nonstop, over and over and over until they were nothing but mush now, no longer recognizable, no longer here.


	2. Chapter 2

**March 27, 2013**

_Gone three days and Merle still haunts me, haunts my dreams, these sheets, where no matter how much I scrub or the amount of soap I use, still manage to smell like him, whisky and old spice._

_He’s the reason I don’t sleep anymore, another night gone, lying in bed wide awake just staring blankly at the ceiling above me, trying hard, but desperately failing, to think of anything else besides him._

_“Y/n” Daryl knocks on the cell door, bringing me out of my dream state “I brought ya some breakfast, come on, get up” he trudges inside with tray in hand, setting it on the mini table beside my cot_

_“I’m not hungry”_

_“Ya gotta eat somethin’, ya got a baby growin’ inside there” his index finger pointing at my stomach “I’ll force feed ya if I have ta and I know ya don’t want that”_

_I sarcastically roll my bloodshot orbs and sit up, resting with my back against the rusting wall “What is it?”_

_“Beans” Daryl grabs the plate with spoon and takes a seat beside me “I know it’s not the best but food is scarce and it’s all we got at the moment. Ya need yer strength, yer eating fer two now”_

_“It’ll end up in the toilet in a few minutes anyway, but thank you” I accept the plate and pick up a small chunk, taking a bite, my face contorting into one of disgust._

_“How did ya sleep?” Daryl questions softly, his brown eyes filled with worry, studying my features_

_“I didn’t”_

_He sighs, knowing his brother being the reason “He didn’t die fer nothin’ y/n”_

_“No, he did” I interject “Because I guarantee you the Governor is not the last of our worries. There’s a whole fucked up world out there full of people like him, maybe even worse” A tear slides down my cheek that I quickly wipe away with the back of my hand “He went after that asshole thinking we would be safe but we are not safe, not even a little bit, not anymore”_

_“Would ya still be sayin’ that if it was someone else goin’ after the Governor like Merle did?”_

_“Maybe” I shrug, forcing another bite down my throat “Maybe not”_

_“Ya don’t mean that. Yer still jus upset, lettin’ yer grief talk fer ya”_

_“Come on, Daryl, you think everyone here gives a single fuck that Merle is dead, huh?”_

_Daryl down casts his eyes, gradually shaking his head “I-”_

_“No, they don’t, because last time I recall these are the same people that left him on the rooftop to die anyway” my hand wipes away another tear “If you ask me, all these people are all glad that it was Merle instead of them. Hershel is the only lost soul they shed a tear for, you know I’m right”_

_“Ya blame them fer Merle’s death, ya blame me?”_

_“We all share part of the blame, Daryl, even Merle for being too stubborn and reckless. I had a feeling that would one day be his downfall”_

_“Yeah, he’s always been the tough one, my big brother”_

_I elicit a short chuckle, my hand resting the spoon inside the bowl and landing it on Daryl’s forearm, my thumb rubbing back and forth against his bare skin “And you’ve always been the sweet one, please don’t let that be your downfall, Daryl, I can’t lose you also”_

_“Ya ain’t gon’ lose me y/n” the corners of his lips cocking into a scanty simper “I promise ya that”_

**April 4, 2016  
**  
Negan guffawed like a madman at the horrific scene before him, Lucille covered in blood and skin that dangled from the metal surrounding her wooden surface.

"Are you proud of yourself?" I utter vehemently, staring him down, secretly wishing for looks to kill him worse than he killed our group member, Abraham

Gradually, Negan treads forward, shoving his baseball bat in front of my face, thin lips slowly going narrow, orbs dark, his expression, ice cold "Feast your eyes on this, sweetheart, and you tell me" he quirks his lips into a slanted, sadistic smile "Lucille was pretty thirsty, she's a vampire bat!"

"And you're a fucking lunatic"

"There you go with that mouth again" he quips, planting Lucille on his shoulder, the blood oozing down her frame and onto the dirt, leaving a trail of red behind him every time he moved "I suggest you take my advice and-" Negan raises his hand and gestures a closing mouth "Save it for something more useful" he winks with a bite and suggestive lick of his lower lip "Catch my drift, sugartits?"

I glare with squinted orbs at his worn out features, lightly shaking my head at his advances "How many times do I ha-"

In an instant, before I could finish my thought, Daryl jumps from his place in line, attacking Negan like a lion attacking it's prey, punching him square in the jaw.

A few of Negan's men rush forward, tackling Daryl face first on the dirt, a blonde haired individual with a half burned face holds a crossbow, Daryl's crossbow, threateningly in between his eyes.

Negan gathers himself, ungloved hand rubbing over the wound where Daryl's fist made contact "Now that!" He shouts "That is a no, no!"

"You want me to do it, right here?" The blonde haired male inquires, his hand trembling

Negan shakes his head in denial, snickering, brown eyes conveying words that his mouth refused to mutter "I have better plans for him. Pick him up and place him in the van"

"No!" I shout, pouncing towards him, two heavy hands wrapping around my arms, forcing me back in line "Let him go!"

"Let him go? Now why the fuck would I do that?" Negan jeers "Oh shit, wait one fucking minute" he lowers Lucille, alternating her between Daryl and I "He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"

"Let. Him. Go."

Negan belches out a rough laugh, snapping his fingers, two of his men dragging Daryl to a white van, tossing him inside like an animal and loudly shutting the back doors with a slam, leaving him alone in darkness

"Sweetheart, I think you seem to have forgotten who's in charge now" Negan's hand planted on his chest "You know why you're not fucking dead yet?"

"No, why don't you enlighten me?" I retort sarcastically

"Well, besides the fact I need you alive to work for me, I actually like you, believe it or not, and it's not just 'cause you're hot either" he sniggers "Wish I could say the same for some other unlucky soul here though"

"What are you talking about?"

"Wait, you didn't really think I was going to let your boyfriend's actions go unpunished did you?"

"You deserved it"

"And you need to be taught a lesson. Stand up" Negan orders, motioning for me to raise on my feet

"No"

"Sweetheart, the more you deny the harder I will make it on all of you. Stand up" his bat pointing in front of my face in a threatening manner

Gradually I raise to my feet with wobbly knees, Negan's hand wrapping around my wrist, forcing me in front of Glenn

"Pl-Please don't do this" Rick pleads with a shaking voice "We get it"

"No, Rick, you don't! But hopefully, after this, you will" His focus averting back on me "Take this bat-"

I shake my head, tear filled orbs staring at his weapon

Negan sighs at my denial, forcing Lucille in my hand instead, wrapping my digits around her slim handle

"Good" he continues "Now bash your friends head in"

"Excuse me?"

"Bash your friends head in"

I clench my grip tight around the wooden handle "How about I bash yours in instead?"

"Arat" Negan calls, a woman with a curly blonde and black ponytail trudges forward, her pistol pointed at the temple of my head

"How about you don't?" She retorts, the hammer of the gun clicking loudly as she pulls it back with just a finger.

I turn my head and sneak a peek at Maggie, Glenn's wife, pregnant and crying hysterically. She was mumbling something and, even though it was incoherent, I knew she was pleading for me to keep denying Negan's order, even with a gun to my head. But what good would that do? If not me, someone else, or he would just do it himself and Glenn is a lost soul either way.

"Y/n" Glenn softly speaks my name. I bring my head back and stare down at him, a single tear sliding down my cheek "Just do it" he whispers

"I can't"

"Sweetheart-" Negan exclaims, Arat shoving the muzzle of the gun flat against my skin as he spoke "You kill him or Arat here kills both him and you"

"Wow, and here you said I'm still alive 'cause you liked me"

"Don't get me wrong, I do like you" Negan belches "But-"

"I don't" Arat chimes in "So I suggest you do as he says"

"I'm sorry" I apologize to a crying Glenn "I have to do this"

With closed eyes, I raise the bat high above my head and slam her down with full force, Glenn's skull cracking into two, his eye popping out of it's socket hanging down his cheek by a single artery.

Tears begin to stream down my face as I slowly open my eyes and glance at Glenn with blurry vision

"Holy fuck!" Negan exclaims "She just hit your skull so hard your eye popped out, and it is gross as shit!"

To my amazement, somehow Glenn was still alive and breathing, his head turning towards his crying wife "Maggie, I'll find you" he conveys, causing her to shed more tears, a river this time.

"You're not done yet" Negan whispers in my ear "Just one more hit"

I huff at his statement, tightly closing my eyes, yet again raising the bat high above my head, plunging her down heavily in the center of Glenn's cranium, his skull cracking loudly into a million or so pieces now.

"Atta girl!" Negan slams his hand against my back in approval, my lids lifting open, y/e/c orbs taking in Glenn's now lifeless body, my clothes stained with his blood and unforgivable sin "A real badass!" He reaches down and pulls the bat out of my hands, finally.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The child was originally going to be a boy but I went for a girl instead...one reason being because I already have previous stories where the child is male and, secondly, I plan to do a sequel for this (whenever this gets done) where the child is all grown up and badass :p
> 
> Babysitter's name may change later

**March 28, 2013**  
_No one knew I was gone. I took Daryl's keys to his bike and snuck my way out of the prison, taking a drive through the night to a place I once called home._

_As expected, the house was slowly deteriorating. It reeked of burned wood and there were cracks and wet stains on the walls and ceiling, the couch was no better either, now a brownish color rather than the snow white it was originally bought in._

_I didn't bother to scan around for walkers, just immediately ambling over to the mantle on the fireplace, picking up a framed photo of Merle and I in a warm embrace. The glass protecting the picture was cracked but I didn't care, running my fingers over the frame, smiling as a tear slid down my cheek. He was so happy, his head leaning against my own as I stared straight into the camera, both of us laughing like we had no care in the world._

_"I miss you" I whisper through a sob, hugging the frame tight against my chest as I sink down on my knees, crying until my eyes ran dry_.

 **April 5, 2016**  
My hands tremble, stained with the blood of a family member I was forced to kill, still standing in the same spot Negan left me, hovering above Glenn just staring down at what is left of his body with tear ridden orbs.

When the son of a bitch and his army of men finally departed, he left leaving us with nothing but a truck and our anguish, all of us drenched in humiliation and anger.

"We have to do something" I mutter lowly, turning my focus to Rick and the others "He took Daryl, killed Abraham, made me kill Glenn" my eyes connecting with Maggie's bloodshot brown pools, feeling her anger and pain cut through me like a knife just for mentioning her husband's name, the father of her unborn child "We have to fight back"

"We are outnumbered y/n, we don't have enough guns, w-"

"So we get more people and we find more weapons somehow. This is war now Rick. One we started and one we have to finish, no matter what" I don't wait for any other response as I angrily tread to the truck and hop inside, Rick and the others following shortly behind, all of us driving back to Alexandria in silence.

Upon arrival, Spencer opens the gate, his eyes sneaking a peek at Rick as he drove in, a smiling face now turned upside down into one of concern.

"Rick" he utters as we all climb out of the vehicle with tears still running down our facades, neither of us daring to utter a word of the horror we just endured for the past 24 hours, letting him figure it out for himself by the clues staining our clothes and the three people missing "Rick, what hap-"

Rick raises his hand, silencing him, shaking his head "Not now, we'll fill everyone in eventually, we just..." He wanders off with an unfinished thought, locking himself inside his home.

"Y/n"

I shake my head ignoring him, ambling towards my own home where my three year old daughter safely hid with the babysitter.

"Liss" I call as soon I step foot past the threshold, the babysitter waltzing in from the kitchen with my daughter in her arms, she being the only reason I chose life over death years ago.

"Look who's home y/d/n" Liss coos as she bounces my three year old lightly in her arms before handing her off to me "Mommy is home"

"Yay" little y/d/n conveys warmly as she wraps her tiny arms around my neck, her lips planting a kiss on my cheek, immediately feeling the wetness of my tears hit her as they fell down my face "Mama sad" she pouts as she lifts her hand and wipes away at the wetness beneath my right eye.

"No baby, mommy is not sad" I fib "Mommy is crying because she missed you so much and is just so happy to see you again" a wide smile creeps on my face before placing a kiss on her rose colored cheek "Did you and Liss have fun while mommy was away?"

"Yeah" y/d/n nods her head, her y/h/c hair bouncing in rhythm with her movements.

I stared at her for a moment in admiration, witnessing traces of Merle present in her in so many ways; his eyes, his smile, his laugh, everything.

"Good" I tickle her tummy with a finger, planting my focus back on the babysitter "I hope it won't be any trouble but I'm going to need you to babysit her much more than usual"

"Please, y/n, that's not a problem at all, I love watching her"

"Great, thanks"

"Mommy, where is Uncle Daryl?" Y/d/n questions as she toys with the strands of my hair

My heart breaks inside my chest, swallowing back tears, thinking back hours to when Negan took Daryl for himself.

I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. I was struggling. As if telling her about her daddy so early on in life wasn't hard enough, how does one now even tell a three year old that her only uncle has been taken by a monster, missing, unaware of his health both mentally and physically?

"Mommy" y/d/n speaks again, more softly "Where is Uncle Daryl?" she repeats "Is he okay?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April 5th is a continuation from last chapter and it's sort of fluff between mother and daughter before Negan makes his appearance in the next chapter
> 
> The picture reader folded will make an appearance again

**March 29, 2013  
** _Brisk, cold air brushed against my skin as I lay, cradled on the floor, with the photograph held close to my chest. A cockroach whisks by me but I don’t flinch, not even a blink, these bloodshot, sleep ridden orbs only staring blankly at the cracks shaped like lightening bolts on the wall in front of me._

_I hear heavy boots thump against the wooden floor from behind, the squeaking on the soles of the shoes growing louder as the steps grew closer, inch by inch. A heavy hand lands on my shoulder, shaking me._

_“Y/n” a familiar voice calls “Wake up”_

_“Go away, Daryl”_

_“Get up. The hell’s tha matter with ya, huh?” he blurts “Ya sneak out, steal my bike, not tellin’ anyone where yer goin’”_

_“I need cl-”_

_“Ya leave the damn door opened with walkers roamin’ the damn earth, are ya tryin’ ta get yerself killed?”_

_“I need closure, Daryl!” my voice shouting at him “I need closure” I repeat more calmly as I stand in a seated position_

_Daryl’s eyes turn soft, instantly landing on the photo still clasped against my chest. He kneels down to my level as he reaches forward and forces the frame out of my hands, staring at the picture_

_“This is what ya came back here fer? This is how yer tryin’ ta get closure?”_

_“Yeah” I shrug my shoulders, swallowing back tears “It’s the only way I know how”_

_He dejectedly lowers his head, exhaling a whiff of air through a sigh “Here” his hand reaches forward, handing me the picture. I grab a hold of it and clench my fist, breaking the remnants of the glass frame to shards, pulling out the thin paper._

_“W-” Daryl pauses as growling noises emanate from the kitchen, his hand immediately pulling out a knife from the sheath wrapped around his waist, standing and ready to attack “Ya didn’t check tha house fer walkers did ya?”_

_“Didn’t care to” I admit, folding the picture in half_

_My brother in law glares at me, facial features stone cold and dark. He opens his mouth to speak when the kitchen door slowly creaks open, two walkers lazily dragging themselves into view._

_Daryl clenches his digits tight around the handle of the knife and raises it high into the air, instantly inserting the metal blade into the cranium of one walker and then into the other, both of them falling down like leaves in front of my feet._

_“Hell ya mean ya didn’t care ta?” he questions, catching his breath “Ya wanted ta die?”_

_I stand gradually, sticking the folded memory into my back pocket. Y/e/c eyes solemnly stare at the dirt and sweat covered man in front of me, a single tear sliding down my cheek, bottom lip quivering, struggling to give him an answer_

**April 5, 2016  
** Little y/d/n patiently waits for an answer I still did not have, my mind desperately thinking of reasons to come up with as a white lie to keep her little heart from breaking.

“Mommy”

“Yeah, honey, uncle Daryl is okay” I fib “He’s out. You know how your uncle is, always hunting the big scary animals and riding around”

“Yeah, but I miss him, when will he be back?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart, hopefully soon”

“Okay” she sighs with a pouted lower lip, hiding her face in the crook of my neck

“I should go” Liss conveys, inching towards the door “See if Rick and the others need anything”

“Yeah, thanks again for watching her”

“Don’t mention it” Liss smiles, planting her focus on my daughter “See you, pumpkin” She bids y/d/n goodbye, playfully tickling the side of her stomach with her fingers before stepping out, y/d/n giggling against my skin

“Hey” I bounce my daughter lightly in my arms “Did you eat anything, are you hungry?”

“Yeah, Auntie Liss made sgetti”

I chuckle at my daughters shortened version of ‘spaghetti’, more specifically because she is unable to properly pronounce the full word just yet

“You had sgetti?”

She lifts her head from my neck, nodding in confirmation

“Did you like it?”

Y/d/n nods again as a response, a smile creeping onto her face “Mommy, can we play airpwanes?”

“Airplanes?”

“Yeah” She frantically but excitedly nods her head yet again “Airpwanes”

“Of course, we can” I force a smile, masking away the pain “Open your arms wide”

Y/d/n does as instructed, stretching her arms out at her sides. I raise her high and sit her on my shoulders, my hands holding on tight to her legs as I swiftly run around the room, her tiny mouth spurting out sounds, imitating an engine.

“Go over there mommy”

“Hey, airplanes don’t talk” I joke

“But you’re an airpwane too”

“Oh, my goodness, you’re right” I chuckle, catching my own mistake “Okay, where do you want to go again?”

“Over there” Her small index finger pointing at a half empty bookshelf

“What is that, where are we flying to?”

“Disneyland!”

“Disneyland?” I blurt joyfully, matching her excitement

“Uh-huh”

“Who is at Disneyland?”

“Minnie mouse, Mickey mouse, Goofy, Tweety, Sylvester, Snow White-”

“So all your favorite characters, huh?”

“Duh, mom” she playfully rolls her eyes, going back to making the engine sound with her lips

“Okay, sweetheart, let’s go to Disneyland!”

"Yay!"

We fly over to the bookshelf and roam around, y/d/n stretching her hand on her forehead above her eyes, pretending to block out the sun and take a gander at the imaginary scenery

"Is it beautiful up there?"

"It is, mommy"

"What do you see?"

"I see Cinderella's castle!" 

"Cinderella's castle?"

"Yeah, and it is huge, mommy!" 

"You think she's in there?"

"Only one way to find out"

We make our way to another room, pretending it's Cinderella's gigantic castle. I carefully lower y/d/n from my shoulders and grab on to her hand "You want to take a look around Cinderella's castle, munchkin?"

"Yeah"

"Alright, come on" together we tread around the room in search of Cinderella, loving the elegant decorations we invented in our minds but not finding the beautiful woman anywhere "Looks like Cinderella is not here, what now, princess?"

"We look for her mommy, she-she's prolly with Prince Charming at the ball"

"Okay, lovely, at the ball we go but we have to be there before midnight to catch her"

"Don't worry, I'm pretty fast"

"Oh, are you?"

"Yeah, I'll race you there"

"Is that a challenge, young lady?"

"Yeah" Y/d/n nods her head with a giggle, slyly poking out her tongue at the side of her mouth in determination

"Okay, you're on, at the countdown from three"

"Alright"

"Three" I begin "Two-"

"One!" Y/d/n finishes, scurrying ahead upstairs, leaving me behind 

"Hey, you cheated!" I briskly make my way upstairs, now not only looking for Cinderella but my daughter as well, her voice urging me to find her, switching the game from imaginary planes to hide-and-seek 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> March 29 is a continuation from last chapter
> 
> Changed Negan and Y/d/n scene (reposted)

**March 29, 2013**  
_My stomach felt uneasy. Once the dry heaving began, I knew exactly what was coming. I immediately rush out to the front porch and lean over the banister, tossing out whatever remnants my stomach had left over._

_Daryl hurried after me, instantly wrapping his digits around my strands, holding my hair back, his other hand, soothingly rubbing up and down my back until it was finally all over after a while._

_"I'm okay" I assure, spitting the disgusting leftover taste out of my mouth "Just the usual morning sickness"_

_He steps back, reaching into his pants pocket, handing me a handkerchief "Here"_

_"Thanks" I take the fabric and wipe around my mouth as I depart my lips and answer the question he put forth earlier "I-I did"_

_"What?"_

_"Want to die" I sigh "Ever since we found Merle in that field as a walker and-" my words get caught in my throat, suffocating for air as tears streamed down my face_

_"Y/n"_

_I hold my hand out towards him, not allowing him to come any closer and smother me with hugs "I'm fine"_

_Daryl raises his hands in defense, eyes, narrow and soft, empathetically staring me down_

_"You put him down" I continue as I inhale a deep breath, calming myself "I did want to end it even after finding out I was pregnant, but then I came here and saw that picture, coming to realize how disappointed Merle would be in me for taking the easy way out"_

_Daryl nods in understanding, knowing exactly how unbearable his own brother can be when it comes to weak individuals who never bother putting up a fight_

_"And as I lay on the floor with that photo clenched to my chest, I thought to myself how Merle has now given me a reason to continue living and fighting for" I place my hand on my stomach, rubbing it around in small circles "This baby deserves a chance at life, Daryl, and I promised myself before you stormed through that door that I will do whatever it takes to make that possible"_

_"Alright" he nods "I believe ya" Daryl sighs, never being one for big conversations, always letting his actions do all the talking for him "Come on, let's get ya outta here"_

**April 6, 2016**  
Y/d/n slept peacefully in her bed upstairs, wasting away the morning hours to the afternoon as she exhausted herself out the night before from playing pretend.

I listen to her through the baby monitor I have standing in front of me on the coffee table, her soft breathing and snoring, just like her father, causing me to smile.

"Little pig, little pig, let me in!"

My simper quickly dissipates, panicking at the sound of his voice that cartoonishly spoke over the loud banging of wood hitting against the metal bars of the gate.

I stand on my feet and briskly amble over to the window, pulling aside the curtain, witnessing him, Negan, standing front and center with a cheesy grin plastered over his face.

As expected, his minions stood at attention behind him like good little soldiers, waiting patiently as the gates opened, my eyes shooting wide and mouth going agape as my focus landed on one of them latching on to none other than...

"Daryl" I whisper his name as I storm out of the house and quickly amble my way over to Negan and his men

"Sweetheart" Negan flirtatiously calls as I near, only receiving the coldness of my shoulder as a response

My worry filled orbs scan over my brother in law's dirt covered, worn out features, swollen and bruised, black and blue. Lowering my glance, I grow confused as I see he was out of his usual jeans and vest attire, now barefoot and wearing what appeared to be some sort of sack with a big, orange, letter 'A' engraved on his chest

"Daryl" I ever so calmly speak his name, but for some reason he chooses to act like he didn't hear me. He avoids eye contact by keeping his orbs glued on the dirt and hands clasped together in front of him, all submissive gestures like that of a prisoner "It's me, Daryl"

"Doll, he-"

"What the hell did you do to him, huh?" I smack my palms on Negan's pectorals and slightly push him backwards, growing impatient as my blood boils inside my veins "Daryl, it's me, y/n, say something!" My feet scramble to get closer to him only to run into the large frame of one of the Saviors that placed himself in front of me, blocking my path "Daryl!" I scream his name over the Savior's shoulder "You lied to me! You said I wouldn't lose you, remember? You lied to me, Daryl!" A single tear slides down my cheek "Fuck!"

"Sweetheart" Negan wraps his digits around my upper arm to try and drag me away "Hey, just calm the fu-"

"Let go of my arm, I'm not your bitch!" I shout, pulling out of his grasp and storming past Rick and the others who all appeared to be dumbfounded, cowardly standing there like puppets, afraid to speak, even bat an eye

"Holy shit" Negan cackles with a backwards dip of his lean body, "What a firecracker!" He jokes, only a few of his men cracking a hard smile, his focus turning on Rick and the rest of my crew all while licking his lips in a suggestive manner

"I'll go tal-"

"No, Rick, you stay here and be the good boy I know that you are and I'll-" Negan plants the palm of his ungloved hand on the center of his chest "Go and talk to her"

With puckered lips whistling an upbeat tune, Negan treads to the house he witnessed me storm into, the porch stairs creaking beneath his boots as he clamps his way up, standing face to face with my front door.

He raises his clenched hand to knock but suddenly decides against it, wrapping the digits of his paw around the door knob instead and giving it a twist, the wooden frame swinging wide open, Negan helping himself inside my humble abode.

"Doll, whe-" he pauses once hearing my anger radiate through the slamming of cabinet doors that I repeatedly open and shut with vigor in search of my hidden whisky bottle in the kitchen "Dol-" his gruff voice halts yet again, dark eyes automatically darting to the baby monitor on the table where the cries of my daughter rang out like banshees.

"Well, shit" Negan averts his focus like an owl to his left, and upwards where the cries were coming from. He smirks slyly and gradually ascends up the stairs, climbing them like a mountain, all the way to the top.

The sobbing noises grew louder much like his grin, desperate to find the little one to  whom the screams belonged much like a lion desperate to finally catch its prey, leaving it up to his feet to absentmindedly follow the sound and, like a drug sniffing dog, lead him directly to her.

Too busy looking for my stash, I was unaware that the enemy had stepped foot into my home and snuck his way upstairs into my daughter's room. I only became aware of his presence once eventually calming down and hearing her cries myself, immediately rushing to her aid, my breath getting caught in my throat at observing him holding my daughter in his arms

"Hey, and what is your name, little one?" Negan questions softly, his finger tickling against her stomach, producing no effect

"Y-Y/d/n"

"Y/d/n? That is a pretty name"

"Thank you" y/d/n sniffles, running the back of her hand across her nose

"I'm Negan, a friend of your mommies"

Y/d/n remains silent, scanning her oval shaped orbs over Negan's rugged features

"Can-can you please put her down?" I put forth with a shaking voice, afraid to make a move, unaware of what evil he is capable of with my own flesh and blood in his arms and, when Negan didn't flinch, I assumed he either did not hear me or did and decided to just ignore me instead "Hey, can you-"

"Why are you crying, sweetheart, did you have a bad dream?"

"Uh-huh" she nods "I-I had a bad dream that the monsters outside were coming to get me"

"Oh, honey" Negan places a kiss on the top of her head "You don't need to be afraid of the monsters because you know why?"

Y/d/n shakes her head in denial

"Because" Negan continues "Me and my bat over there" his hand motioning to Lucille that rested against the wall behind her "Take them all down so they will never be able to get to you, little one."

I curiously continued to watch on from my place in the doorframe, puzzled as to how someone like him, a monster himself, has the ability to be so comforting with someone like y/d/n, a pure and innocent soul.

They are nothing but complete opposites but I guess the saying is true that everyone has both good and evil inside of them, one in war with the other over dominance, like a heart versus the mind, angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other kind of thing.  

Much like Merle in a sense, everyone deemed him the devil at first but soon came around when he saved all of our asses from the Governor, redeeming himself as the good guy, the hero so to speak

"Or my mommy?"

"Or your mommy" Negan reassures, probably lying through his pearly whites, I'm sure "Hey" he bounces her gently "You like fishies?"

"Fishies" Little y/d/n repeats as she nods her head, flailing her arms with excitement

"Alright, watch this" Negan sucks in his cheeks, opening and closing his lips, imitating a fish, y/d/n shaking with giggles in his hold "You want to try?"

"Yeah" Y/d/n imitates Negan as he shows her what to do, both of them making fish faces at each other.

"There you go"

"Fishies" y/d/n musters excitedly, her round, glistening eyes instantly landing on me once she noticed I was standing behind them "Mommy!"

"Hey, sweetheart" I greet nervously, waving to her, as Negan quickly changes his demeanor from playful to cold in just a matter of seconds, taking his time as he inches closer to me, handing her over

"Cute kid" Negan remarks, whispering lowly into my ear, his hot breath, pricking against my skin, making my hairs stand on edge "Pretty just like her mother" he compliments with a cocky grin, his words sending shivers running up and down my spine

I inhale deeply, the corner of my upper lip twitching in frustration "Please leave"

Negan raises his brows, placing his focus back on my daughter "See you soon, little one, okay?" He leans down, planting a kiss on the top of her head

"Okay" she waves "Bye"

He grabs Lucille off the wall, swinging her on his shoulder "Bye"

I exhale a sigh of relief soon as he treads past me and I hear his footsteps going down the stairs, immediately hugging y/d/n tight and protectively against my chest, smothering her in a million kisses "Hey, honey, you know that mommy loves you and would never, ever let anything happen to you right, you know that?"

"You mean the monsters?"

"Yeah, them and other things too"

"I know that, mommy"

"Good" I simper "So fishies, huh?"

"Yeah, Negan showed me" my little one nods, grinning widely, her fingers poking my cheeks inwards "I like him mommy, he's nice and funny" she giggles "Was daddy like that too?"

"Yeah, honey, your daddy was like that too" I choke back tears, eyes burning as I struggled to keep them buried in my ducts where they belonged.

Merle was like that too much in fact, the minute or so resemblance, uncanny, almost as if he was the one holding her in his arms instead, the thought scaring me down to the core.

"Did daddy do fishie faces too?"

"He did, daddy did a lot of funny faces, including the fishie" I raise my hand and smooth down the strands of her soft-felt hair "Hey, are you hungry, you want mommy to make you some pancakes downstairs?"

"No" y/d/n shakes her head "Can I just stay here a little bit longer and play with my teddy?" she pokes out and pouts her bottom lip, just as she always does whenever trying to get her way and, I, always falling for it 

"Of course you can, and whenever you want mommy to come up here, you just ask for me in the little white toy over there" My index finger pointing at the baby monitor that I had rested on her night stand "Okay?"

"Kay" 

"Alright" I smother her in another kiss and sit her on top of the bed where she began to play with her teddy bear. 

I smile warmly as I begin to sashay out quietly as to not disturb her any further, closing her door half way and making my way downstairs. 

My heart nearly stops inside my chest once reaching the bottom stair, witnessing that Negan has made himself at home, seated on my couch with his feet propped up on my coffee table, sipping down on a glass of lemonade

"What are you still doing here?" I blurt with an attitude, pulling myself together 

"Waiting for your fine ass" he snickers, pointing at an empty couch chair "Have a seat, we need to talk"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Discontinued for the time being*

****March 29, 2013  
** ** _Dirty hand wrapped around my upper arm, digits strengthening against my skin, a simple gesture expressing the disapproval of my actions that Daryl tried to hide as he helped me, like a child, over to the Harley parked out front._

_“Get on” he ordered as he climbed on first, starting the bike_

_I hesitate, alternating glances between the bike and the car he drove here “Or you can give me the keys and I take the car back. I’ll be right behind you, promise, no detours”_

_“Nah, we got plenty back at the prison and we can always hotwire another one if need be, hop on”_

_“Fine” I give in with a sigh and an eye roll as I climb on the back seat and wrap my slender arms around Daryl’s midsection, not in the mood nor in the condition to start a petty argument over a worn out, dirt covered car that would probably end up breaking down in the middle of the road anyway “But I don’t want to go back to the prison just yet”_

_“We have ta, othe-”_

_“Let’s go scavenging, hunt some deer, anything besides go back to the prison”_

_“Scavengin’ fer what?”_

_“Anything we can find, better to get ready for a baby now rather then wait until the last minute, no? Especially in a world like this”_

_“Alright” Daryl mumbles incoherently as he revs the engine and speeds down the open road. We must have been riding for at least two hours or so before coming to a stop at an abandoned run-down K-Mart, the windows and the doors, shattered, the sign deteriorated, completely on the verge of the letters falling down entirely._

_Daryl parks the bike in front of the store. I descend off the Harley and amble towards the entrance, not bothering to wait for my brother-in-law as I waltz inside and step behind the register, luckily finding and grabbing a few oversized plastic bags._

_“Y/n” my brother in law storms in with crossbow in hand, lowering it once witnessing the store free of walkers, at least for the time being “Ya really gotta stop wanderin’ off like tha’ on yer own”_

_“Daryl” I scoff, ambling to the baby clothes rack and grabbing whatever was left, which wasn’t much, just a few pants and dresses with different colors and animal designs “I’m a grown woman, not five years old. I don’t need a chaperone”_

_“Yah, actually ya do, especially after that stunt ya pulled stealin’ my bike” he counters “I’m gonna go check around fer walkers. Ya still got yer knife on ya just in case?”_

_“Yes” I drawl sarcastically, holding a bag towards him “Here, take this and fill it with whatever you find useful while on your little walker witch hunt”_

_He snatches the bag out of my hand and stealthily wanders through the isles with crossbow up and ready to fire if need be, without hesitation, one arrow and bolt at a time._

_“Daryl, how did you know I would be there?”_

_“What?”_

_“I’m just curious, how did you know I would be at the house?” I repeat, scanning the beverages isle and picking up the only two sodas that were left in the whole section, both Sprites, placing them in the bag._

_“Gut instinct” Daryl answers “Kinda just made sense, ya still feeling down about Merle and all”_

_“Right…Merle” I whisper to myself, simpering faintly at my own voice speaking my husband’s name “You kill any walkers yet there, Stormtrooper?”_

_“Not yet. I’m gonna go check the loadin’ dock in the back”_

_“Okay. If you need any help, don’t hesitate to scream”_

_Daryl reciprocates with a roll of his dark and restless brown orbs, disappearing into another room situated in the back of the store._

_Stealthily I continue to scan the remainder of the isles for anything useful, not finding much but a box of Oreos -- which were probably stale by now -- two cans of ravioli, and an opened bag of bread with the first few slices already bitten into growing disgusted and annoyed that someone would even do such a thing._

_“Come on, man, let’s go already!” an unidentified, gravelly male voice, loudly musters from outside, grabbing my attention_

_My gut feeling was gnawing at me, screaming trouble, and it was probably right but I still had to check it out. I lower to the floor on my hands and knees and crawl to the window, carefully sneaking a quick peek at two men, both with their faces in the other direction, obvious one of them was busy hotwiring Daryl’s bike, our only means of transportation._

_“Hey!” I shout as I stand and bravely bang against the glass window, grabbing their attention. They turn their heads in unison and witness me behind the glass, just as I witnessed them, finally seeing their faces. One was young and short, probably in his thirties, skinny like a toothpick with fair and freckled skin, silky short black hair, clean shaven with beady green eyes, dressed in dirty blue jeans a white t-shirt. The other man looked to be a bit older and much meaner. He was tan in color dressed in a black long sleeved shirt and black jean shorts to match with round, gray orbs,  accentuated by his full, dark, and bushy beard auburn in color, the same as his hair, strands wrapped up high and tight into a messy bun._

_“Fuck!” the man with the bushy beard barks as he reaches behind his back, brandishing a hand-held pistol. He pulls the trigger, firing a single shot, the bullet piercing through the windows, shards of glass landing on my head as I lowered back down for cover just in time._

_“What the hell are you doing, man, let’s the get the fuck out of here!” I hear one of them shout over the engine of the bike, tires screeching as they drove full speed out of the parking lot._

_“Y/n!” Daryl scurries, kneeling down in front of me on the floor, his hands holding on to my shoulders “Are ya okay, what tha hell happened?”_

_I raise my head slowly and glance at Daryl with watery eyes, a single tear sliding down my cheek “Two men, the-they stole our bike”_

****April 6, 2016  
**** Negan chuckles to himself as I bravely tell him there is nothing to talk about and storm my way into the kitchen, working on making myself a sandwich.

“Doll” he voices, leaning against the doorway

I breath in heavily “ I told you there is nothing to talk about, please leave me alone”

“Actually” Negan saunters inside, stalking quietly like a cat towards me “There is plenty to talk about” he lowers Lucille from his shoulder and rests her on top of the counter, next to the lettuce and tomatoes, my eyes immediately landing on her wooden frame, shiny and spotless, not even a dust speck.

“Like?” I turn around, not realizing how close he actually was until my chest was up against his, my nose inhaling in the scent of his leather and unidentifiable cologne. Talk about invasion of personal space.

“Who is Daryl to you?”

“That is none of your business”

“Au contraire, I own him now so that makes it my business” he smiles threateningly like a wolf ready to pounce on it’s prey “So I ask you again, sweetheart, who is Daryl to you?”

“He-” I stall, purposely clearing my throat as much as possible as I slowly sneak my hand behind my back, blindly searching for the knife I rested on top of the cutting board before turning around “He’s my-”

“Uh-uh” Negan tsks, his heavy hand landing on top of mine “I wouldn’t do that if I was you, doll” he speaks lowly with a gruff voice, bringing my paw forward and holding it down at my side until I pull away and fold both my arms across my chest instead.

“Do what?”

“God, you are so damn cute when you play stupid” he purrs, curling his lips into a wide and cocky grin “I’m hurt to be honest but, because I really fucking like you, I am going to let it slide, pretend it never happened, okay?”

I shrug my shoulders, continuing to play dumb “I have no idea what you’re talking about”

“Sure you don’t” he spews mockingly with a wink “Now what were originally talking about before you tried to kill me like the little stealthy minx you think you are? Oh yes, your relation to Daryl! I’m still waiting d-”

“He’s my brother-in-law okay?!”

“Oh” Negan drawls “It all makes sense now, the reason you were shouting with that sexy voice of yours, ready to throw punches and kick some ass!” he blurts enthusiastically “Gotta admit, turned me the hell on baby, goddamn!”

“Good for you, are you done?”

“No, far from it actually”

My eyes roll dramatically at his answer as I turn back around and resume at making my sandwich, Negan’s brown pools perversely taking a gander at my ass and the indentation of the photo that poked into the fabric of the pocket. He grows curious and reaches into my jeans with two pinched fingers, pulling out the photo.

“What the hell are you doing?” I exclaim, hastily turning and witnessing Negan with the only visual memory of my husband in hand “Give that back”

“Not a chance, doll” Negan counters, playing keep away each time I reached to grab the picture out of his hands “I’m pretty darn curious to see what this is” he holds his arms high into the air, at a point where I was unable to reach even when jumping, and unfolds the paper, observing me and my husband in the warm embrace “Well, what do we have here?”

“Please give that back, it’s the only picture I have”

“Only picture you have of who exactly, sweetheart? You and…”

“My husband”

“Holy shit” Negan’s orbs landing at the tattoo on my chest “Sugartits, he’s the one that gave you that nickname, isn’t he?”

“Yes, please give that back”

“Okay doll, relax, no need to get your panties in a twist. Here” he lowers his hand, refolding the picture and holding it towards me between his index and middle finger

“Thank you” I acknowledge, taking the paper and inserting it safely into my back pocket

“What happened to him?”

“He, uh, he passed away three years ago”

“Walkers?”

I shake my head “No”

“Disease?”

“No”

“Shit, he died protecting you then didn’t he?”

“He did die protecting but not just me”

“Goddamn, and you blame yourself for his death, don’t you?”

“Why are you asking all these questions?” I scoff “Why do you care?”

“Because I have a heart”

“Yeah, a black one”

“Not where you reside”

“Wow, unbelievable” I rebut, annoyed “Just un-fucking-believable”

“What?”

“You have a soft spot for me, don’t you?”

“Ever since the lineup”

“Why?

“Why not?” Negan counters “You got guts, you speak and act with no fear of consequence, and the fact that you're hella hot is just a plus. I love all that, baby. I respect it. I want it”

“You want it? What the hell do you mean by that?”

“Let me put it to you this way, princess, how many of your people have died with Rick as leader?”

I raise my hand and wipe circles at my tired eyes, refusing to answer Negan’s question

“I’ll rephrase the question then” Negan continues “If it wasn’t for Rick, your husband would still be alive, wouldn’t he?”

“Yeah” I answer with a quivering lower lip “He would. You know, thinking back, I realize that my husbands death was just a link in a chain of events that Rick set in motion with only a single pair of handcuffs”

“Right, now think about why I came into the picture, why I killed your friends” he voices calmly “I’m going to let you in on a little secret, darling, I don’t kill people just for shits and giggles, I kill them because I have a reason and the reason I came after you, the reason I killed two of your friends is because of-”

“Rick”

“Exactly”

“So what do you want?”

“Come on, you’re a smart cookie, sweetheart, do I really need to spell it out for you? You continue to stay with Rick and people are going to keep dying because that is what he does, he gets people killed. How long do you think it will be until you’re next, how long until, God forbid, your daughter is next all because of…Rick”

“And you’re claiming you can do better as if your men are untouchable under your leadership, right?”

“Honey, I’m not denying that a shit ton of my men have died but it sure as hell wasn’t because of me, I swear on Lucille, they have died because of your leaders cowardly decision to murder them in their sleep. I am far from perfect sweetheart, but I promise you I mean well. I just want to save, protect those who are unable to protect themselves”

“I can protect myself just fine, thank you”

“I don’t doubt that you can, I just want you to do it under my leadership”


End file.
